Day 627

Dearest Hannah,

It’s been 48 days since I’ve seen or talked to you.

It’s 9:09pm right now as I sit down to write this entry to you. I miss you very much. I love you. I’m going to make it a point to tell you as many times as I possibly can how much I love you. Today is a reminder of that. One year ago today, around this time of the evening, we came home from Grandpa’s house. We were there when he’d eaten his last meal from Sonic: a corn dog and a chocolate milk shake. He didn’t really want to eat it, though, because he was in a lot of pain. He wasn’t able to breathe well at all. I think that was the first time in my entire life that I saw him actually scared. He sat in his recliner, and I sat on the sofa right beside him. I didn’t want to leave him. But, your Granny had to go home to rest before her night shift. I was supposed to go back and stay with Grandpa, but Starla stayed instead. The last thing I did was to kiss Grandpa on the cheek and tell him that I love him.

Hours later, he was gone.

You never, ever know when the last moment will be that you’re able to tell someone you love them, or hold them tight, or give them a kiss. If I had known that the last time I held you was going to be the last time in 48 days that I would see you or talk to you, I would not have let you go. Grandpa was my hero, my favorite person on Earth. Yes, I know I often remarked that this person was Paul McCartney instead, and I do love me some Paul. But, Grandpa was the constant in my life from the moment I entered this world. Unwaivering. Never ending. Unconditional. Loving. I was truly blessed to not only have him as my Grandpa, but also to know the true embodiment of an earth angel.

Tomorrow is gonna hurt like hell. But all of us will get through it. Life is vastly different when your favorite person in the world leaves it. Now, my other favorite person - you - is gone, too. It is unbearable and soul crushing.

I love you baby girl. I’m going to light your candle now and Grandpa’s. Send you both some loving energy.