Day 365

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Baby Girl!

It's so hard to believe that you're an entire year old. I waited my entire life to be an auntie and just when I gave up hope, boom - here you are. You just don't understand how much you mean to me and how special I think you are. You are my heart and soul and I adore you.

Little summary for you before I continue:

• Since my message to your daddy in January, we have had almost regular phone calls and video calls with you. But we have to wait for your mother to call us. She doesn't answer if we call her. The excuse is either you're sleeping or eating - or there is just no response. So we continue to walk on eggshells because at least we get to see you.

• We are in the planning stages of coming back to see you in May. I hope it comes to fruition this time because we were supposed to be there today.

• I've been to MANY First Birthday parties. Many. Many. You know who didn't have one? You. The reasoning was that there were no family or friends around to celebrate. This is contrary to the fact that you have "godparents" and other friends of your parents. I suppose they came over to celebrate in person. Most of the first birthday parties that I've been to, family surrounds the baby and watch as they open gifts and eat their first cake. But -

So, we were on a video call while you opened gifts from your parents and while you ate your birthday "cake" (it wasn't like a cake cake, it was some kind of healthy alternative that your mother made). I think your daddy filmed it, but at least we were able to see you celebrate your first birthday. That's all that really matters. Out of all of the things we've been through over this past year, the only thing that truly matters is that we have you. We get to see your face, your beautiful smile, and hear you giggle. Honestly, that's all that's important to me at the core of me. Just you. If I couldn't see you, my soul would die piece by piece.

I love you. No matter what happens, you are my special girl.