Day 262

November 23, 2023

Dearest Hannah,

More than once, I spoke with your Great Grandpa Elmer about how Granny and I were going to try to see you for your first Christmas. I asked him several times if he wanted to come to Illinois with us, even when we saw you in July. He just couldn’t travel that far. He said to me, and I’ll never forget it, “I want to hold her so bad, but I don’t think I’m ever going to get to.”

“I know, Grandpa, I know.”

Yesterday, Grandpa and his wife, Mary, were hit head-on by a teenager. This morning, Thanksgiving morning, the greatest man I have ever known passed away. He was in misery and pain. It was just yesterday morning that I went over to pick up Aunt Starla, she was down there visiting Grandpa and Mary, and just talking about what our plans were for the day. She and I went shopping, and had just turned down the lane when Starla got the phone call. We all raced to the joke of a hospital who did nothing for Grandpa - or “Poppy” as the other kids in your generation called him-and the next morning he was gone.

He never got to hold you. You were the only one of his “kids” as he called us all, that he never held or snuggled or told a story to or kissed your forehead. He wasn’t allowed to meet you. The other side of your family was more important than ours. It was more important for your mother’s family and friends, not ours. I will never forgive that fact.

But I do know that you have an angel looking out for you - and he was the best man in the world. The kindest, fairest, gentlest, funniest, silliest, most loving grandfather that I had the privilege of knowing for 50 years. He was there when I was born.

I can’t wait to one day tell you his stories, show you photographs, and teach you all about him and our family. An enormous part of my heart left this world today. My hero. My champion. My favorite person in the world since I was little. My heart is just broken. Maybe I’ll start writing his stories as part of this journal. That might be a good thing - just as soon as I can stop crying long enough to focus.

Here’s another lesson, my love, from your ol’ auntie L: treasure your loved ones. never, ever, take them for granted. Love them. Live life to the fullest every single day. You never, ever know when the moment will come that your life will change. And those loved ones will be gone.

I love you so much. Never, ever, ever forget that baby girl.